Generations

I could never forget that one day when me and my two closest friends had a serious conversation. we were in our last year in high school (gr.12), and In Jeong (our Korean friend) was about to leave for Korea to continue her studies. I have always known that she wasn't that close to her father. She shared with us how cruel and useless his father was. ..was always drunk and even brought his mistress home right in front of their mother. i couldn't help but asked her how she felt..and to my surprise she said she didn't care but felt really bad for her mother. while she was sharing, i noticed how strong she was...she showed anger but she never once cried. but there's something that she said that brought me to tears...she wanted her father to die soon so that all their sufferings would end. she wanted so bad for him to disappear in their lives so that she wouldn't see her mother cry again. and my other friend Margaret, felt the same way. after all, her mother has some mental illness and and her dad had a mistress too. i couldn't believe what i heard from them...couldn't believe it came from my dearest friends...i couldn't believe that they were able to hope and desire for such bad things..and i didn't know how to react..i couldn't understand how i felt..i was angry and hurt at the same time. my friends went through all these problems and i felt bad that i couldn't do anything about it. the only thing i could do was to care and be there for them. and i realized the kind of strength they had - the strength that got even stronger while going through tough and painful times...if i was in their condition, i don't think i would be able to handle anything like that...but they were good friends...they did well in school and we only had great memories together. i guess that incident only made us closer and made me realized how blessed i am to have a great family.

i recalled this incident after reading Generations. the girl might have gone through traumatic experiences but i couldn't see any good reason to kill her father...i don't think there's any good reason to kill anyone. you might be having so much anger and bitterness to the person but killing wouldn't answer all that. and i couldn't believe that the girl did not feel any remorse or sorrow. in fact, she seemed relieved after murdering her own father. is she crazy? or just plain wicked? another thing that i didn't get was to why her mother or brothers did not even care...is that possible? i guess what the author was trying to show was that people change when they go through horrible things. that when they have been hurt so bad, they are able to do evil things. but there could be other better ways to get away with gruesome experiences...murder shouldn't be an option. sometimes we just don't comprehend what goes through a person's mind.

what is vs. what if

" Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination."

After having read "Tale of the Spinster and Peter Pan", I didn't find any relation to fairy tale. i was actually expecting of a fairy tale ending..the usual happily ever after. but i realized that the spinster was in her own world of fantasy...she is obviously tired of her monotonous, routine life! as much as she'd like to hide it by going to her fave bar on thursdays, there's no doubt that she has found her life dull and boring! that's even the very reason why she goes to the bar and sip wine and enjoy music...because she doesn't really have anything fun to do anymore. But then came Joel...her "Peter Pan". and she was probably hoping the he would take her to "Neverland". what do i mean by this?....well, the woman longs to be someplace outside of her real world...she's aging and Peter Pan reminds her of being young and carefree once again. I don't think she has hidden desires for the man..i think that she would just like to have someone daring and free-spirited who can help her enjoy her life, who can bring her to the land of "no worries"...the land where people do not grow up. unfortunately, all these things only exist on her mind...her own fantasies...just the way she wanted her life to be...but the truth is sometimes the things we have imagined cannot always happen.

as for the the other text, "Document", the guy is somehow on the same boat as that of the spinster. he thinks that a particular document was meant to be written for him and then contemplates on the status of their relationship...if they even had one.....he was uncertain of how the girl thinks of him....they had late night talks and they go to the mall together...one could possibly assume that something might be going on between them but the guy is still left wondering...thinking what if the document was really about him....

we all create fantasies on our minds...and oh! how well we create them...but fantasies are departure from reality...we fantasize because we think something is impossible...and i like fantasizing and imagining impossible things...they actually help me get what i want..at least motivate me to reach what seems to be impossible...

*nose bleed na ako*

before and after

I think it's appropriate to say that contemporary writers have become daring and experimental - on the type of characters they write. The tried to break what used to be standard and plain and succeeded. On the other hand, the canon writers were (in my opinion) afraid to write about what's unusual because they grew up during those times when women were supposed to live in the shadow of men. They were to take care of their children and stay at home doing chores and all those "motherly" stuff. Women today (as portrayed by the writers) can stand on their own feet and can bravely defend themselves whenever they need to.

Moreover, canon writers described and used obvious settings for their stories...like in the province or a mansion with helpers, or near the shore...maybe because that was what the people have gotten used to...the story would usually have concepts about the rich and the poor and how the poor seem to be happier...."Games" does not even have an exact location..it was more of a situation..the guy and the woman conversing...contemporary writers put twists on their writing...they will keep you thinking and guessing till the end...unlike the canon texts where you know exactly how the ending would be...and canon writers (for some reason) like describing their characters in details...these are the the biggest differences i've noticed so far and i guess as we go on with the other contemporary texts, i can prove that some of the things i've written may probably be right..or not...anyway, i'm so sleepy....

Now and Then

The women in both stories, in my own opinion, did not have the freedom to follow what their heart desired but they did choose their own destiny. Tinang was unsure about her feelings towards Amado but right after she read his love letter, it was obvious that she loved him although she didn't have the chance to share it to him. She married a Bagobo thinking that his two hectares of land would give them a "bright tomorrow". Unfortunately, it did not turn out that way. From the author's description, it seemed to me that she was tired and unhappy. I don't think it was the kind of life that she wanted and expected but she seems to be trapped in that situation just like Pilar. Apparently, Pilar was not too fond of Mr.Perfecto and his slight arrogance that's why maybe she wanted other men according to her "ideals" but unfortunately it was only Mr. Perfecto who could understand her and probably take her seriously. And she had no choice but to go with Mr. Perfecto. I think that she would have ended up with him anyway. She was trapped!

I can't imagine myself being trapped in that same circumstance. Thankfully, things are different now. We always have the opportunity to decide on our own. Pilar had a choice but I don't think it was what she longed for. She used his father as an excuse not to be with Mr. Perfecto but i think she'd rather be with someone she's not that attracted to but might learn to love later on than age alone and lonely. I think most women on that phase of life have that fear or uncertainty. I am reminded of my cousin who never had a boyfriend until her early thirties and couldn't wait to get married because the rest of her friends daw were getting married and she didn't want to be the last single standing. Well she's now married and feeding her jobless hubby.

.....moving on.....

According to my lola, she was very young when she married my lolo. He was a Chinese businessman who was 20 years older than her. My lola would show us their pictures and based on that, she was very pretty and he was...ok. I mean he wasn't that good looking but he came from a prominent clan in Amoy ,old China (now a Taiwanese territory) before it became a communist country. Because he was against communism (the government took all their wealth and killed some of his relatives), he escaped to the Philippines in hope of a good life. He then lived and started his business in Cotabato where my lola worked as a cashier. Well my lolo was attracted really bad to my lola while she didn't like him at first because he was a lot older and un nga hindi daw dwapo.
But her relatives were pushing her to accept his courtship because he was rich. And they were married and had 10 children (grabe before couples didn't know about family planning). I shared this because I think women during those times had no control over their lives. I mean they seemed to follow what their family or society dictates them to do. Kahit na mas conservative noon, some women married early just so may security ang future nila. i don't know if I'm right about this but that's what I've noticed lang. Unlike today, women are stronger and confident. We think ahead and we want to have the best job. Not to mention na mas liberated and free-spirited ang women of today. Very career-minded and game sa mga challenges. i think we're equal na nga sa men compared before na sobrang sunud-sunuran lang ang mga babae. Today, men work and women handle the money (at least, women are consulted over money matters and sa house ang mga nanay lahat ang gumagawa ng decision). There shouldn't be gender biases anymore although meron pa din naman but at least, the strength and capabilities of women are recognized na.

In that case, change happened for the better.

love is a many splendored thing

Reading "Bread of Salt" is like going back to the good old days of finding your first love. It's a wonderful tragic love story - wonderful because everyone has gone through the moment of falling in love and doing everything for love but on the other hand, tragic because one disappointment could lead to falling out of it. hay..pagibig nga naman. i guess the boy in the story was not really "in love" although he thought he was. we have a tendency to become like the boy..we would try to live up to the standards of a person and would even do anything just so the person we "love" notice us.... we could be willing to go through embarrassments para lang ma-defend natin ung person. it's wrong to say na love is blind because it's actually the person that's blind. love is a beautiful thing..atleast it's supposed to be that way. it only becomes painful when we realized na things didn't go the way we wanted them to or worst we always expect something in return sa person and if hindi nya nagawa, we're left broken-hearted...yikes ako ba to...let's admit it, we do sweet things to the person and in return we want his appreciation or at least expect to do the same..but in reality, not all guys are like that(bias! and bitter!)...it doesn't apply to all guys ok..ung iba lang...i guess it's different na now..minsan guys would prefer na sila ang ligawan(ang kapal talaga) and mga girls naman sa sobrang infatuation sa guy would dare do crazy things..i hate how humans tend to become impulsive and then end up making irrational desicions tapos pag nasaktan parang it's the end of the world...i think we should turn those circumstances to our advantage. just like the boy...he realized na hindi sila match ng girl and he went back to who he really was..this time without pretensions. i think it matters to find a partner who will see u for who u are..because love is supposed to be a wonderful decision not feeling ha...u love because u have decided to love that person no matter what..if based lang sa feelings then it wouldn't last because feelings could change..love should not be that complicated..we're supposed to enjoy and cherish it..yikes...

moving on...

Guido might be a romantic but i think he perceives women differently. after all, he was the reason why Lupeng was convinced that women should be adored. what Guido was really saying in the line:"i think it is to remind us men that once upon a time you women were supreme and we men were the slaves".. is that it is now the men's turn to be supreme and women as slaves to them..(how dare him think that)..i have a feeling that he might be playing around Lupeng's way of thinking..i see Guido as a horny maniac who looks at women lustfully even if he told convincing statements to Lupeng like "did u stop being a woman? did u stop being beautiful?"...men will always have their way of tricking women...but thank God i believe meron pa din naman mangilangngilang na sincere gentlemen waiting to be caught by our nets...it's just a matter of waiting and believing..haha

and for all women out there...wag kayong papayag na maging sexual objects ng guys because we are beautiful creations and we deserve to be truly loved and respected..not adored(well maybe but in the right way)...hehe! we are unique in so many ways..yes we do have lots of insecurities and worries especially when talking about body issues but no matter what size we are in or what skin type or hair texture we have, we are still who we are. our beauty is simply effortless!

real men do cry

It's all about the man in the house - the king, head, and authority. The man in the story "Divide by Two" might have been indifferent to whatever Belle was complaining about but towards the end understood the real matter and dealt with it like a man: "This is man's work. I have met the enemy and he is mine". I can just imagine the man's anger towards the neighbor. whatever the reason for the anger (could it be because of a secret affair or something else more personal or because of pride), i think he knew what he wanted to fight for. On the other hand, Mr. Angeles of "The Mats", was still grieving over the death of his children and the thought that the remaining mats could not be given to them. WE are so used to the thought that men are supposed to be strong and emotionless, that men don't cry because it's a sign of weakness...i have to strongly disagree with that. I think that their manliness comes out when they become emotional because that's the only time that you can really see through their hearts. I know men that are quiet and seem reserved in nature but when things become touchy, they give in to their emotions because somehow they have been moved.

i am reminded of the time i saw emotions from my "very recent ex-boyfriend". i have always considered him insensitive and sobrang "manhid" but when i saw him cried for the first time after admitting his faults, i realized that he has feelings too and marunong din pala siya umiyak despite of his pagiging macho.. Sure they don't become emotional all the time, but when they do, it's usually with sense and you can't help but be moved by it. (maybe that's also the reason why it's so hard to move on..huhu).

Mr. Angeles is who I call the typical Filipino tatay. He works hard to earn a living and provides for the whole family. Whenever he goes home, he brings pasalubong. Just like my own papito...If there's anything i am so thankful for, it would have to be that we have been blessed with a great father. I always get excited whenever he comes home from Indo (who doesn't?), just like Mr. Angeles who works away from his family. Everytime my dad comes home, we all have to be present at the airport and just like in the story, we couldn't wait for the pasalubongs. It's what we always anticipate about. And one by one, he takes it out of the maleta and hands them to us. It has become a tradition in our family (and i think also in all Filipino families). For some reason, we always have to have something for our loved ones even if it's just a pack of fish crackers from the bus station.

another thing I have realized is how our parents, when they give us something that is costly (say a brand new car or laptop), they would always put conditions before you can use them. but as for my parents, they only ask for one thing and that is to treat my studies seriously and excel at it. that's not too bad...atleast i don't get grounded whenever i make mistakes...

i must confess that lately i have been buying Filipino literary books...maybe i am overwhelmed by how Filipino writers can be as good as the foreigners...maybe even better.

it's so Filipino-ish

Filipinos are born happy. We rejoice over something that's for some people is not even worth rejoicing for. We tend to appreciate even the smaller things and that's what I love about our race. We are very accommodating too. Whenever our friends come over, we usually offer them the best things...I used to think that we do it because we want to impress them but really I think it's beyond that. I think it's already a huge part of our culture. I remember the time I invited my Indonesian friends to come over our house in Jakarta, and I, the typical hospitable Filipino, prepared a "feast" for them. Before they even started eating, one of my closest friends came up to me and asked me why I had to bother preparing for them....and I cheerfully told her that I just wanted to do it for them because they're my friends and they don't get to come to my place all the time. To my surprise, she responded negatively. She told me that I should not have bothered to prepare and confessed that she doesn't feel good about it. I was disappointed because I just wanted them to have a good time and really don't we all Filipinos do that? But then I realized that they come from a different culture and different backgrounds so maybe I made her feel uncomfortable. I learned that it's all about getting used to the things that may seem different to us. I mean I have been "culture shocked" many times before but I got through them and I learned to have an open mind just like Maria in Arguilla's "How My Brother Leon Brought Home A Wife". She knew the kind of adjustments she had to make and she welcomed those changes. Arguilla perfectly illustrated in the story the importance of families and going back to your roots despite of the changes you have made. It showed how we still value "pamamanhikans" and how important it is for our parents to get to know the people you're going to be living with. It proves how family-oriented we are.

Back in highschool my best friend used to call me the "Corny Chrys". I didn't really know her reasons for naming me that but I think it's because I'm always jolly and I don't take a lot of things seriously. I love how Carlos Bulosan wrote that : "Laughter was our only wealth". I love the thought that Filipinos are a happy race and yet we still put importance on our families, education, friends, lifestyle etc. Just think of the "noche buenas" that we celebrate..isn't that enough proof that we know how to have a great time despite of the ugly things that people from other countries know about us?

We may have been termed as "brown monkeys" or that we eat dogs or those other funny names people call us but atleast monkeys learn easily. They are smart, can adopt to a new environment well and they know how to have fun. And by the way, monkeys are not ugly.